Posted into secret shoebox on Monday, July 17, 2006...
For those unsurprisingly not aware of this obscure movement, Flim Flam originated amongst African and West Indian immigrants on the East coast of America in the late 80’s. Amidst an alien culture still thirsty for pop and rock stars, incandescent with make up and fawning for publicity, Flim Flam spawned in an isolated pocket of newcomers oblivious to the image conscious, fashion heavy iconography of the media. Following more in the wake of early Jimmy Cliff material, Flim Flam’s roots were cemented when the likes of Jojo Rundiru (a former Black Panther and Reggae artist) and his friends, discovered Punk.
Rundiru tops the list of most popularly accepted pretenders to the throne of the original fathers of Flim Flam and was largely considered the first to herald this bizarre infusion of Ska, raga and punk brass band. Coming hot on the heels of the Shim Sham movement, Flim Flam was nevertheless only acknowledged in its twilight as a genre in its own right. Typically, the mainstream music industry only recognised Flim Flam during its death throes, when the creativity of its founding members was beginning to flag. Such wagon jumpers as Jonny Orange’s band, Glass Of Water Drink, capitalised on the newfound publicity: just at the time Rundiru’s generation was quitting the scene, claiming the innovation had gone stale, Jonny Orange seized the opportunity to cash in on a niche in the market.
Lyrics from Jonny Orange’s “Glass Of Water Drink”:
Drink a glass of water drink
Swallow it down
Take a deep breath and hold it
Tense your throat muscles
Mouth all shut tight
With every step emit a little grunt
Walk down the stairs
Down the stairs
Walk all the way down the stairs
Making this noise
Making this noise
Making this noise with each step
Well done
Idiot
Despite the sudden corporate interest in this scene, Orange’s band was, strangely, the only band to gain either success or credibility – and this was short lived. As the old fans of Rundiru followed his shunning of the new scene, the new fans quickly became aware of a deep-seated resentment between what they had previously considered an original, new brand of music, and the authentic progenitors of the movement. In a sudden torrent of American music magazine articles, composed of generously copious interviews with the (now very vocal) Rundiru, Orange came under heavy criticism for hijacking a theme and presenting it as his own.
Over a period of just two months, EMI had attempted to release such titles as This is Flim Flam, Now That's What I Call Flim Flam, The Best Flim Flam in the World EVER, NOW Flim Flam, The Best of Flim Flam Featuring Smimmy Shammy, Club Flim Flam Remastered - The Dilly Dally Remix, and Country Jill’s Selection of Flim Flam. Due to a threat to sue from Shimmy Shammy, EMI were forced to recall all the records bearing his name, when it was discovered that the material was bootlegged and had been contracted to a bogus agent, claiming affiliation to Shimmy Shammy’s recording line. Country Jill reneged on her contract in response to the sudden turn in publicity and EMI subsequently made half their money back from an out of court settlement. The remainder of recordings sold poorly due to a widely publicised view that none of the material was authentic, holding many tracks by Glass Of Water Drink and a selection of bands purported to be “Second Hand Flam” or “Ham” as those calling themselves “true fans” now termed them.
For the second time, Flim Flam crashed and burned, this time failing to rise from the ashes. It is not surprising, then that the movement was never heard in Europe, with its creators tiring of credit and its pretenders and record companies silent in humiliation. Nevertheless, from the few years that Flim Flam thrived underground, a scant 52 recordings still survive of the original first wave of Flim Flam.
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Posted into secret shoebox on Tuesday, June 27, 2006...
some people ask for the salt at meal times.
pain and suffering shall be their only reward.
some ask for salt and pepper.
they shall receive only death.
i asked for gravy and it was given to me.
i asked for pepper and it was passed into my hands.
i asked for salt and i received it not.
who is amorous unto salt?
give him not your cloak.
who has a taste for salted food?
show him the door.
a fool sprinkles salt on his own body
and says "surely this will not kill me?"
but in the morning there is only slime.
look not toward the salt user.
his ways are perverse and lead only to the abyss.
i looked and, for a time, i watched him crawl toward the salt seller.
but i averted my eyes and did hear him cry,
"look! look at my actions! are they not innocent?
come, brother! join with me in sprinkling the salt upon yourself
that it may go well with you and you might surely live forever"
but i heeded him not and turned my back upon him.
a little later and i could hear him not.
a little later still and not even his shadow remained.
who has salt in their cupboards?
let them be emptied and left forever bare thereafter.
who has salt in their cellar?
let them lock the door and throw away the key.
guard jealously in your heart the words that warn against salt,
that it might be well with you and you shall not become shrivelled.
he that shuns salt and any recepticle that once contained that condiment,
let him receive your blessing.
let him be lifted up by your esteem and give him his place at your table.
he shall surely receive his reward:
a piece of ripe lettuce.
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Posted into secret shoebox on Thursday, May 11, 2006...
GIANT CONGLOMERATE ROBOT episode 16
previously on GIANT CONGLOMERATE ROBOT...
"i'm giong to attack you, GIANT CONGLOMERATE ROBOT! attack you like you've never been attacked before!"
"oh no! look everybody - that's CYBERBORGTRON! i thought he was dead!"
"that's right, deak. he was. but now he's alive and it looks like he wants revenge!"
and now, on GIANT CONGLOMERATE ROBOT episode 16...
"that's right zax! i want revenge! and now with the help of my new and improved CYBERBORGTRON it's you who will be destroyed this time!"
"no way! we beat you before, CYBERBORGTRON and we'll beat you again!"
"but that was the OLD CYBERBORGTRON! that was only CYBERBORGTRON DELTA! this is new CYBERBORGTRON GAMMA! with ultra radox capillary combustion! aha... aha... AHA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAA!"
"oh no! jemma! can GIANT CONGLOMERATE ROBOT really stand up to ultra radox capillary combustion? we've never had to face the possibility before..."
"i don't know, zax... it's the only variable we've never faced before. ultra radox capillary combustion might be too much for our proteus axion core. the radiation could..."
"dammit you guys! i've heard enough about your gutless engine fears! let's do this thing now! we've beaten him before we can do it again! GO GIANT CONGLOMERATE ROBOT TEAM!"
"what's this? GIANT CONGLOMERATE ROBOT attacking with GIANT ROBOT DASH? you shall be defeated, GIANT CONGLOMERATE ROBOT! try a little CYBERBORGTRON GAMMA RADIATION PUNCH!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
"that's right, GIANT CONGLOMERATE ROBOT TEAM - you're no match for CYBERBORGTRON this time!"
"oh no! it's all my fault! if i had only listened to my instincts..."
"don't be so hard on yourself, zax. i know you feel guilty about the death of your father but it wasn't your fault. but right now we've got to FIGHT!"
"you're right jemma! thanks! ok everybody, let's separate and attack!"
"yeah!"
"yeah!"
"alright!"
"GO, GIANT CONGLOMERATE ROBOT SEPARATION!"
"what's this? a separation attack? i'll see you coming a mile away, Team GIANT CONGLOMERATE ROBOT!"
"not if i use SPECIAL INVISIBILITY SHIELD 4 ! like this! or if i use SPECIAL ROBOT
PUNCH TURBO ! like this! noone comes back from that one..."
"AAAAAAAH! damn you, zax bloodhunter!"
"...and if i use SECRET AMPHIBIAN SLIDE MANOEVRE ALPHA you will NEVER see
me coming! HA HA!"
"NOOOO! how can this be? i've never seen such power! aaaaaahhhhh!"
"...ready to form up, SUPER CONGLOMERATE ROBOT TEAM.....?
wait for it.... NOW! form up SUPER CONGLOMERATE ROBOT!
CONGLOMERATE ROBOT.... ATTACK!"
"smash him, GIANT CONGLOMERATE ROBOT! smash him to bits, zax!"
"billy?!! what are you doing here?!"
"i hid in the cargo hold until you were in mid action and now i'm here ready to watch the fight from the best place! go GIANT CONGLOMERATE ROBOT TEAM!"
"zax! it's your uncle on the radio! he wants to talk to you!"
"what's this?! my uncle?!"
"yes zax! i'm you're uncle, johnstone! i have an urgent message for you: you must use COUGARUNDAROAR BEAM in conjunction with FULL CANNON KICK DELTA or you'll never break through his special ion barrier!"
"ok uncle! thanks! cougarundaroarrrr.......... BEAM! and... FULL CANNON KICK DELTA .... NOW!"
and the battle was won.
the GIANT CONGLOMERATE ROBOT team stood victorious in the last rays of the
evening sun, their nostrils flaring with righteous indignation at their
restored honour.
their pride, once wounded, was now recovered by the might of... GIANT
CONGLOMERATE ROBOT
next week on GIANT CONGLOMERATE ROBOT...
"quickly! zax! use SPECIAL ROBOT PUNCH!"
"i'm trying, deak, but it's not working! oh no! the ultra neuron
reactor is overheating! it's going to... AAAAAAHHHH!"
"zax! NOOOOOOOOOO!"
"we couldn't save him! dammit, evil cyberborgtron - you'll pay for
this!"
"HAHAHA HA HAAAAAAA! with your captain dead you are HELPLESS! now,
GIANT CONGLOMERATE ROBOT TEAM... prepare to face your DOOM!"
next week, same GIANT time, same ROBO channel...
GIANT CONGLOMERATE ROBOT episode 17: REVENGE OF CYBERBORGTRON GAMMA
part 2: Shadow of a Death Kill Pain Hurter
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Posted into secret shoebox on Sunday, April 30, 2006...
